Survival Gear Tester Where Can One Order

♪ ♪
– ♪ THINK OF ALL THE LUCK
YOU GOT ♪
♪ KNOW THAT
IT’S NOT FOR NAUGHT ♪
♪ YOU WERE BEAMING
ONCE BEFORE ♪
♪ BUT IT’S NOT LIKE THAT
ANYMORE ♪
♪ WHAT IS THIS DOWNSIDE ♪
♪ THAT YOU SPEAK OF? ♪
♪ WHAT IS THIS FEELING ♪
♪ YOU’RE SO SURE OF? ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ROUND UP THE FRIENDS
YOU GOT ♪
♪ KNOW THAT
THEY’RE NOT FOR NAUGHT ♪
♪ YOU WERE WILLING
ONCE BEFORE ♪
♪ BUT IT’S NOT LIKE THAT
ANYMORE ♪
♪ WHAT IS THIS DOWNSIDE ♪
♪ THAT YOU SPEAK OF? ♪
♪ WHAT IS THIS FEELING ♪
♪ YOU’RE SO SURE OF? ♪
[Gauntlet Hair’s Human Nature]
♪ ♪
– ♪ WHEN IT COMES OUT
IT’S ALL I SEE ♪
♪ THAT’S WHEN YOU TELL ME
IT’S JUST YOUR HUMAN NATURE ♪
♪ ♪
♪ WHEN IT COMES OUT
IT’S ALL I SEE ♪
♪ AND THAT’S WHEN YOU TELL ME
IT’S JUST YOUR HUMAN NATURE ♪
♪ ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ IT’S JUST YOUR HUMAN NATURE ♪
[alarm clock buzzing]
♪ ♪
♪ ONE TIME A WEEK ♪
♪ ONE TIME
A WEEK ♪
♪ WHEN IT COMES OUT
IT’S ALL I SEE ♪
♪ THAT’S WHEN YOU TELL ME
IT’S JUST YOUR HUMAN NATURE ♪
♪ ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ IT’S JUST YOUR HUMAN…♪
♪ AND YOU TELL ME
I MAKE YOU SMILE ♪
♪ ONE TIME A WEEK ♪
♪ ONE TIME
A WEEK ♪
♪ AND YOU TELL ME
I MAKE YOU SMILE ♪
♪ ONE TIME A WEEK ♪
♪ ♪
– DO YOU HAVE ANY SANITARY PADS?
– YOU GOT YOUR PERIOD?
THAT’S WONDERFUL.
– I DON’T WANT
TO TALK ABOUT IT. EVER.
– I GET IT.
I GET IT.
WE HAVE SOME TAMPONS
IN THE UPSTAIRS BATHROOM
UNDER THE SINK.
DO YOU NEED ME
TO WALK YOU THROUGH ANY–
– NO. NOPE.
WHY ARE YOU BAKING
AT 7:00 A.M.?
– ‘CAUSE MY PROBATION OFFICER’S
COMING TODAY
AND I’M FREAKING OUT.
IS YOUR ROOM CLEAN?
– WHY DOES MY ROOM
NEED TO BE CLEAN?
– ‘CAUSE SHE’S GONNA
TEAR THE JOINT APART
LOOKING FOR ANYTHING
THAT CAN GET ME IN TROUBLE.
– I ONLY HAVE, LIKE, CLOTHES
AND SCHOOL STUFF AND MAKEUP.
– DEBS, JUST DO ME
THIS ONE FAVOR, OKAY?
I CAN’T TAKE ANY CHANCES.
– WELL, I’M NOT THE ONE
WHO LEFT THE COCAINE OUT.
– DO IT.
– GOD.
– HUNGRY.
– WE HAVE HALF A BAG
OF CEREAL,
TWO PACKS OF OATMEAL,
AND FOUR FROZEN WAFFLES.
YOU NEED TO CLEAN YOUR ROOM
BEFORE SCHOOL.
GET RID OF ANYTHING THAT CAN
MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A BAD PARENT.
GO. NOW.
THOSE ARE FOR MY P.O.
UPSTAIRS.
[sighs]
– ARE YOU DEAD?
– [groans] NOT A CHANCE.
WHERE WERE WE?
– NUMBER NINE,
ROB A CONVENIENCE STORE.
NUMBER TEN,
RECYCLE SCRAP METAL.
NUMBER 11,
PROSTITUTION.
– NIX THAT ONE.
MY THRILL DRILL
IS OUT OF JUICE.
– YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!
– NUMBER 12,
SPERM BANK.
– SEE NUMBER 11.
– SOME SHEIK NAMED
FAHID AHMED HABIB OR WHATEVER
IS GETTING
A BRAND-NEW SET OF LUNGS.
GOVERNMENT FLEW HIM IN.
– WE GET THE NEWSPAPER?
– SHEILA DOES.
LOOK. LOOK.
SHAKING HANDS WITH HIS SURGEON.
SOME TOWELHEAD GETS TO
JUMP THE LINE
JUST ‘CAUSE
HE’S A “IMPORTANT ALLY”?
GUY’S GOT EIGHT TEENAGE WIVES
DRESSED IN TABLECLOTHS.
WON’T EVEN
LET ‘EM DRIVE.
– LOOK, SAMMI.
CHUCKIE AND I ARE TRYING–
WE’RE–WE’RE WRITING–
AH, FUCK IT.
SHOW HER, CHUCKLES.
– “KIDNAP A WALTON HEIR.
“ROADSIDE FRUIT STAND.
CONTRACT KILLER.”
WHAT ARE THESE?
– WAYS TO MAKE MONEY
FOR MY SURGERY.
HEY!
[coughs]
WHAT ABOUT AN APP VERSION
OF MY BOOK?
THE DRUG BOOK THAT I’M WRITING?
[coughing]
– GOT TO KEEP HOPE ALIVE, RIGHT?
EASY, HONEY.
– [loud flatulence]
[grunts]
– [chuckles]
– HERE’S YOUR OXYS
AND YOUR PERKIES.
– JUST LIKE MAMA USED TO MAKE.
WHOA, THAT IS BAD.
– OKAY, ALL YOU GLU-TARDS
IN THE HOUSE,
WHEAT-FREE FLAPJACKS
ARE READY.
GET THEM WHILE THEY SUCK.
– HEY, SHORT-STACK!
HIGH FIVE.
WHAT’S UP WITH YOUR KID, PHIL?
WHY’S HE SO DAMN CALM?
– BRAIN DAMAGE.
– GOTTA TELL YOU, MAN,
I DIDN’T THINK THIS WAS
GONNA WORK OUT.
– YEAH.
– ADORABLE.
HE YOURS?
– NO, BROTHER.
DEADBEAT PARENTS AND SO ON.
– AW, SO YOU TAKE CARE OF HIM?
– YEAH. YEAH, NO.
I DO MY BEST.
– COOL.
– SO ENJOY.
[clears throat]
– EVER GET A BREAK
FROM WATCHING HIM?
– SURE, YEAH.
SOMETIMES.
– I’M FREE TOMORROW MORNING.
AROUND 11:00.
– GREAT.
– BYE.
[KC Booker’s Lulu]
– HEY, WHAT CAN I GET YOU, SIR?
♪ ♪
– JESUS CHRIST, CARL.
♪ ♪
– YES, DEBORAH?
– CAN I USE THE BATHROOM?
– AGAIN?
– GIRL STUFF.
– [sighs]
♪ ♪
– SO THE BEDROOMS
ARE ALL CLEAN.
WHO ELSE LIVES IN THE HOUSE?
– MY TWO BROTHERS,
CARL AND LIAM,
MY SISTER, DEBBIE,
AND SOMETIMES MY BROTHER LIP.
– ALL YOUNGER?
– YES.
– WILL THEY HELP YOU
NOT RE-OFFEND?
– WELL, YEAH.
I’M THEIR GUARDIAN.
– IS THE FAMILY FULLY AWARE
OF THE CRIME COMMITTED?
– OH, YES.
– DO YOU HAVE PLANS
TO LEAVE THE STATE OF ILLINOIS
FOR ANY REASON?
– NO.
– ARE YOU IN POSSESSION
OF ANY FIREARMS
OR DANGEROUS WEAPONS?
– NO.
– ARE YOU IN CONTACT WITH ANYONE
WHO MIGHT CAUSE YOU
TO ENGAGE IN
DRUG AND ALCOHOL ABUSE?
– NO.
– IS THERE ANYONE ELSE
IN THE HOUSEHOLD
IN TROUBLE WITH THE LAW?
– UH, NO.
NOT–NOT IN THE HOUSEHOLD.
YOU MUST GET TIRED OF ASKING
THESE QUESTIONS EVERY DAY.
– MM.
– DO YOU WANT A COOKIE?
I BAKED THEM MYSELF.
IF YOU CONSIDER SQUEEZING BATTER
FROM A TUBE “BAKING.”
– LOOK, I’M NOT YOUR FRIEND.
I’M HERE TO MAKE SURE
YOU DON’T VIOLATE
THE TERMS OF YOUR PROBATION.
– RIGHT.
SO WHEN CAN I GET OUT OF HERE
AND START LOOKING FOR A JOB?
I’M THE SOLE EARNER,
AND MONEY’S PRETTY TIGHT.
– YOU CAN’T LEAVE THE HOUSE
UNTIL A REPORT IS FILED.
– AND HOW LONG DOES THAT TAKE?
– FIVE TO TEN BUSINESS DAYS.
– TWO WEEKS?
– SOMETIMES QUICKER,
BUT I WOULDN’T COUNT ON IT.
– WHAT HAPPENS IF I LEAVE?
DOES THIS THING, LIKE, DETONATE?
– IF YOU ATTEMPT
TO LEAVE THE RESIDENCE,
A RADIO-FREQUENCY TRANSMITTER
WILL SEND AN ALERT
TO OUR SERVICE COMPUTER CENTER
AND YOU, MISS FIONA,
WILL BE IN DEEP SHIT.
I NEED A URINE SAMPLE
SO THAT I CAN TEST
YOUR SYSTEM FOR DRUGS.
– NO PROBLEM.
– AND I NEED TO WATCH.
– WHAT?
ME PISSING?
– TO BE SURE IT’S YOURS.
BELIEVE ME, I ENJOY THIS
EVEN LESS THAN YOU DO.
YOU NEED TO WIPE FIRST.
[exhales]
– [inhales suddenly]
[groans]
MORNING.
UH, DOBROYE UTRO.
– IT IS AFTERNOON.
YOU SLEEP ALL DAY.
[water running]
– OH!
– I HAVE BABY SOON.
I CANNOT WORK.
– JEEZ.
– HE MUST TAKE CARE OF ME
AND BABY.
YOU GO.
WE DO NOT NEED YOU.
YOU SLEEP HERE
TONIGHT IN THIS HOUSE?
I KILL YOU.
I BASH YOUR ORANGE HEAD.
– MM-HMM.
VY PONIMAYETE?
– YEAH.
[Kaitlin Riegel’s Silhouettes]
♪ ♪
– ♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪
♪ OH, OH ♪
♪ ALL THAT’S LEFT
OF THE GREAT INDOORS ♪
♪ ARE SILHOUETTES
ON WOODEN FLOORS ♪
– [reverberates lips]
WHAT?
NO!
– COME HERE.
– OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD, IS THIS FOR REAL?
ARE YOU REALLY BACK?
– FOR REAL.
FOR NOW.
– OH, MY GOD, YOU BASTARD,
I MISSED YOU SO MUCH.
YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT.
YOU HAD ME SO WORRIED.
NOT ONE CALL?
– I TEXTED.
– YEAH.
REAL DETAILED.
“MISS YOU GUYS,
HAVING FUN.”
– I DIDN’T WANT YOU TO WORRY.
– WELL, I WORRIED MORE, ASSHOLE.
WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?
– THE ARMY.
I ENLISTED.
– THE ARMY?
– YEAH.
I WANTED TO FIND MYSELF.
DIDN’T THINK I COULD DO IT HERE.
– DON’T YOU HAVE TO BE 18?
– DON’T KNOW, DON’T CARE.
I LEFT.
STUFF GOT NUTS.
– WHAT “STUFF”?
– OH, MILITARY TRYING
TO CONTROL ME.
– WELL, ISN’T THAT
WHAT THE MILITARY DOES?
– GOT SICK OF IT, BUT, HEY,
I MET SOME AMAZING FOLKS.
GOT ALL THESE GREAT IDEAS.
I’M A DIFFERENT PERSON.
HEY, BUT WE CAN TALK ABOUT THAT
LATER, RIGHT?
– SURE.
DO YOU WANT A SANDWICH?
– YEAH!
OH, STARVING.
– IT’S YOURS.
– NICE HARDWARE.
– HUH, YEAH.
MY WINTER BOOTS DON’T FIT.
ALL I CAN GET ON ARE
FUCK-ME PUMPS AND TENNIS SHOES.
– [laughing]
– [chuckles]
ARE YOU OKAY?
– YEAH.
YEAH, GREAT, WHY?
– YOU SEEM A LITTLE
CAFFEINATED.
– I QUIT SMOKING.
– SO WHAT’S NEXT FOR YOU?
– OH, I’VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT
APPRENTICING
WITH THIS ELECTRICIAN I MET.
YOU KNOW,
LEARN HOW TO WIRE STUFF.
– WHAT ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL?
– OH, WELL,
FRANK FINISHED HIGH SCHOOL.
IT WORKED OUT GREAT FOR HIM.
– YOU HAVE TO FINISH, IAN–
– I DON’T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING.
I’M DONE LIVING THE WAY
OTHER PEOPLE WANT ME TO LIVE.
BUT, HEY,
THANKS FOR THE SANDWICH.
– WELCOME HOME.
[country rock music]
– YEAH, IT’S A NICE
LITTLE PIECE, YOU KNOW.
QUICK TO ACTION,
DOESN’T JAM.
– EASY, BABY.
– WHAT ELSE YOU PACKING?
– WHAT DO YOU MEAN, LIKE,
DICK-WISE?
[laughs]
– NO.
I MEAN, THAT’S NOT
YOUR ONLY WEAPON, IS IT?
– WELL, HOW MANY GUNS
DOES A GUY NEED?
– WELL, IT DEPENDS.
IF YOU WANT TO CREATE
THE ILLUSION OF SAFETY,
THEN ONE PIECE IS PLENTY.
BUT IF YOU REALLY WANT
TO BE READY
IN THE EVENT
OF AN EMERGENCY,
YOU’LL NEED TO STEP IT UP.
ONE FOR EVERY ROOM
OF YOUR HOUSE.
ONE IN YOUR CAR.
ONE AT WORK.
AND AT LEAST TWO ON YOUR PERSON.
– HOW MANY GUNS DO YOU OWN?
– UM, I GOT
A BUSHMASTER AR15,
AN HK USP .45,
GLOCK 23 .40 CAL,
MY SIG SAUER
P226 9-MILLIMETER,
A HENRY .22 MAGNUM,
A RUGER SP101
3-INCH SIX-SHOT,
AND MY WALTHER P22.
I KNOW A GUY.
I CAN HOOK YOU UP.
MY MOTTO IS
PREPARE AND PREVENT,
DON’T REPAIR AND REPENT.
– WHAT THE HELL IS THIS,
POOLSIDE AT THE FLAMINGO?
WE GOT A LINE OF CLIENTS
UPSTAIRS
WITH THEIR HANDS
DOWN THEIR PANTS.
GO TO WORK.
– [speaking Russian]
– AND YOU, DON’T THINK
YOU’RE GETTING OFF
JUST ‘CAUSE YOU’RE ABOUT TO DROP
A PATTY FROM YOUR FUR-BURGER.
– “FUR-BURGER”?
– SHE WON’T SHAVE.
– I LIKE THE WAY GOD MADE ME.
– THAT’S NICE.
YOU’RE LATE AGAIN,
I’M GONNA DOCK YOU 50.
– CARROT BOY IS GONE.
– WHO’S CARROT BOY?
– HE KNOWS WHO.
– WHERE’D HE GO?
– I DON’T KNOW.
I MADE HIM LEAVE.
NO ROOM FOR HIM
WHEN BABY COMES.
– THE FUCK DO I CARE?
AND SHAVE YOUR FUCKING MUFF.
[phone ringing]
– TEACHER TOLD ME
TO COME DOWN TO THE OFFICE.
– I WISH I COULD SAY
IT’S A PLEASURE TO SEE YOU
AGAIN, MR. GALLAGHER.
YOUR HANDIWORK?
– I DON’T WANT TO BRAG.
– WE HAVE A PROBLEM.
– THEY’RE THE ONES
WITH THE PROBLEM.
CAN’T FIGHT FOR SHIT.
– WHY DID YOU ASSAULT
ALL THESE STUDENTS?
– TALKIN’ SMACK ABOUT
MY BROTHER.
– ALL OF THEM?
– AND THAT ONE’S GOT
STUPID HAIR.
AND THAT ONE SMELLS
LIKE BOLOGNA FARTS.
– AND THE ONE WHOSE HAND
YOU SMASHED IN A LOCKER?
AND THE ONE YOU PUSHED
DOWN THE STAIRS?
– TOO SHORT, MAYBE?
I DON’T REMEMBER.
– YOU’RE HEREBY SUSPENDED
FROM SCHOOL.
8:00 A.M. FRIDAY MORNING,
YOU WILL COME BACK
WITH A PARENT OR GUARDIAN
AND YOU WILL APOLOGIZE
TO ALL THESE CHILDREN
IN THE PRESENCE OF THEIR PARENTS
OR YOUR SUSPENSION WILL LAST
INDEFINITELY.
– WHICH MEANS?
– EXPULSION.
– WHICH MEANS?
– GO HOME, CARL.
COME BACK WITH A PARENT.
I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE
WHO CREATED YOU.
[rock music]
♪ ♪
– HEY.
– MY FIRST CLASS TOMORROW
IS AT 11:30,
SO WE’RE GONNA STAY HERE
TONIGHT,
AND THEN FRIDAY IT’S 8:00 A.M.
SO WE’RE GONNA STAY
AT THE DORMS TOMORROW NIGHT.
– GOT IT.
GOT IT.
HI! HI.
– THERE WE GO.
– HI, MY BIG BOY.
– HI.
– DID YOU MISS ME TODAY?
– YEAH.
– OH, YOU DID?
– YEAH.
– I MISSED YOU TOO.
OH, YOU BROUGHT DINNER.
THAT’S GREAT.
THAT MEANS WE CAN MOVE
TONIGHT’S MAC AND CHEESE
TO TOMORROW, WHICH GIVES US
AN EXTRA DAY OF FOOD
BEFORE WE PANIC.
– PANIC?
– YEAH.
I GOT TO PAY THE HEAT
AND ELECTRIC
BEFORE I BUY GROCERIES.
IT’S PRETTY BLEAK.
I GOT A CHECK COMING
FROM THE CUPS,
BUT THAT’S GONNA COVER RENT,
AND FOOD-WISE,
WE’RE LOW ON EVERYTHING
BUT MACARONI AND MAYONNAISE.
– YOU SAVED NOTHING
FROM YOUR JOB?
– I WAS TRYING TO CATCH UP
ON OLD BILLS.
HOW’D HE DO TODAY?
– YEAH, HE’S FINE.
– CARL GOT SUSPENDED.
– WHAT?
– SHUT UP, ASS-BRAIN.
– HI, LIP.
– HEY, KIDDO, HOW ARE YA?
HEY, BUD.
– HEY.
I NEED SOMEONE TO GO TO SCHOOL
WITH ME FRIDAY MORNING
OR I’LL BE EXPELLED.
– WELL, I CAN’T
LEAVE THE HOUSE YET.
THEY NEED TO RESCHEDULE.
DID YOU TELL THEM
I’M STUCK AT HOME?
– NO.
– WELL, GO IN TOMORROW
AND TELL THEM I’M SICK.
I HAVE SHINGLES OR MONO.
– I’LL TAKE YOU, BRUISER.
WHAT TIME?
– 8:00 A.M.
– OH, FUCK. I GOT CLASS.
CAN YOU MAKE IT A LITTLE LATER,
LIKE, AROUND NOON?
– NO, PARENTS WILL BE THERE
AND STUFF.
– HI, NEW FAMILY.
DOOR WAS OPEN.
I WON’T STAY LONG,
JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW,
DAD’S AT SHEILA’S HOUSE.
WE’RE LIVING THERE A BIT.
IT’S A REALLY GREAT PLACE.
PLENTY OF ROOM,
LOTS OF LIGHT.
– THANKS FOR THE UPDATE.
– ANY OF YOU GUYS
HAVE ANY EXTRA CASH?
DAD WANTS MONEY
FOR HIS SURGERY.
– WHY NOT GET A JOB?
– RIGHT NOW,
MY FULL-TIME CAREER
IS TAKING CARE OF OUR POPS
BEFORE HE GOES.
– WELL, WE’RE BROKE.
WISH WE COULD HELP YOU.
– OKAY.
DOESN’T HURT TO ASK.
IF ANYONE WANTS TO STOP BY,
GIVE HIS MORALE A BOOST,
HOPE CAN HEAL.
– OH, YEAH,
CAN HOPE MAKE UP
FOR THE YEARS OF MISERY
THAT HE PUT US THROUGH?
– MAYBE.
COME BY.
FIND OUT.
HE DOESN’T DESERVE
TO GO OUT LIKE THIS.
NO ONE DOES.
– WHY NOT ASK FRANK TO GO
TO SCHOOL WITH YOU, CARL?
– IAN HERE?
– HE’S UPSTAIRS.
– WAIT.
all: IAN’S HERE?
[door opens]
[door closes]
– SEE YOU LEFT.
TOOK ALL YOUR SHIT.
– YOUR BRIDE THREATENED ME
WITH A CLAW HAMMER.
[door opens]
– YOU’RE BACK!
– OH, HEY, GUYS.
OH, MAN.
I MISSED YOU GUYS.
[laughs]
– HEY, MAN.
– HEY.
– COME HERE.
– LIP SAYS YOU STOLE
A HELICOPTER.
– I TRIED TO.
KIND OF TIPPED IT.
BLADES SNAPPED.
MOTOR CAUGHT FIRE.
– AWESOME.
YOU SHOOT ANYONE?
– I NEVER LEFT BASIC.
– YOU CAN’T SHOOT
ANYONE THERE?
– YOU CAN.
I DIDN’T.
– YOU SHOT NO ONE.
YOU FLEW NOTHING.
WHY’D YOU EVEN GO THERE
IN THE FIRST PLACE?
– RELATIONSHIP ISSUES.
– YEAH, YOU OKAY?
– YUP, ALL GOOD.
– COOL.
ALL RIGHT. WELL, LET’S GO GET
SOME DINNER, DORKS.
HEY, I’LL CATCH UP WITH YOU
LATER, YEAH?
– YEAH, LATER, MAN.
– ALL RIGHT.
– COME ON. DORK.
– GO.
[door closes]
– YOU COMING BACK?
– DEPENDS.
WILL YOU SUCK MY DICK
WHENEVER I WANT?
– FUCK OFF.
WHAT YOU WRITING?
– STUFF.
NOTES, IDEAS.
– I’LL DO IT.
– DO WHAT?
– DON’T MAKE ME SAY IT,
ASSWIPE.
– SUCK MY DICK.
WHENEVER I WANT.
[up-tempo rock music]
♪ ♪
– PEAS.
– I THOUGHT OF SOMETHING.
– BE SPECIFIC.
– WE COULD SELL THE HOUSE.
– WHICH HOUSE?
– THIS ONE. SHEILA’S.
– WE DON’T HAVE THE TITLE.
SWEET POTATOES.
– DON’T NEED IT.
WE PUT A SIGN OUT FRONT,
OFFER WAY BELOW MARKET,
HAVE PEOPLE MAKE CASH OFFERS
FOR EARNEST MONEY.
WASH, RINSE, REPEAT.
– “EARNEST MONEY”?
LENTILS.
– THEY GIVE US
3% OF THE PURCHASE PRICE,
WE SAY WE’LL TAKE IT
OFF THE MARKET.
WE DON’T, OF COURSE.
WE JUST GRAB THE CASH.
DO THIS FOUR OR FIVE TIMES,
RAKE IN MAYBE 11 GRAND.
– CHRIST ON A CRUMB BUN.
– I KNOW, RIGHT?
NOTHING LIKE A MAJOR SCAM
TO LIFT A PERSON’S SPIRITS.
– HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THIS?
– I MAY HAVE DONE THIS
ONCE OR TWICE BEFORE
WITH ONE OR MORE HUSBANDS.
[sweet light rock music]
– YOU REALLY ARE A GALLAGHER.
– [sighs]
♪ ♪
[Locksley’s Black Ajax]
♪ ♪
– ♪ OOH ♪
♪ OOH ♪
♪ OOH ♪
♪ OOH ♪
♪ WHEN ALL THE MAS
AND THE PAS ♪
♪ TELL ‘EM PLEASE
TO GO AWAY ♪
♪ YEAH, WHEN ALL
THE MOTHER[…] ♪
♪ WERE COMING OUT TO PLAY,
YEAH ♪
♪ OOH ♪
♪ THAT’S WHEN I’M ROLLIN’ IN,
ROLLIN’ IN ♪
♪ YOU HEAR ME ROLLIN’ IN,
ROLLIN’ IN ♪
♪ YOU SEE ME ROLLIN’ IN,
ROLLIN’ IN ♪
♪ YOU FEEL ME ROLLIN’ IN,
ROLLIN’ IN ♪
♪ OOH ♪
♪ OOH ♪
♪ ALL THE FELLAS
CALL MY NAME ♪
♪ AND THE GIRLIES
PULL MY HAIR ♪
♪ THEY LIKE MY TIES
AND MY SHOES ♪
♪ AND […] ‘EM IF THEY DARE,
NOW ♪
♪ OOH ♪
♪ ‘CAUSE NOW I’M ROLLIN’ IN,
ROLLIN’ IN ♪
♪ YOU HEAR ME ROLLIN’ IN,
ROLLIN’ IN ♪
♪ ♪
[bracelet beeping]
– SO THEN MY T.I. COMES CRASHING
THROUGH MY DOOR, RIGHT,
AND CHASES ME.
I’M SO SCARED,
I RUN SMACK INTO
A WATER FOUNTAIN,
BUST IT RIGHT OFF THE WALL.
– WHAT?
– YEAH, I KNOW.
WATER SPRAYS EVERYWHERE.
AND HE WAKES EVERYONE UP
AT 2:00 A.M. IN THE MORNING,
FORCES THEM
TO WATCH ME DO PUSH-UPS
IN THE FREEZING COLD WATER
WHILE SINGING.
– SINGING?
– ♪ WELL,
THEN IT’S HI, HI, HEY ♪
♪ THE ARMY’S ON ITS WAY ♪
♪ COUNT OFF THE CADENCE
LOUD AND STRONG ♪
♪ TWO, THREE,
FOR WHEREVER YOU GO ♪
♪ YOU WILL ALWAYS KNOW ♪
♪ THAT THE ARMY
GOES MARCHING ALONG ♪
[laughs]
– HEY.
– HEY.
– EVERYTHING OKAY?
STILL IN SCHOOL?
– YEAH.
YEAH, IT’S, UM,
IT’S UNDER CONTROL.
– IS MICKEY HERE?
– YEAH, HE’S UPSTAIRS.
WHY?
– PEOPLE ALWAYS SO GODDAMN NOISY
IN THE MORNING?
WHAT?
– YOUR WIFE’S WATER BROKE.
LET’S GO.
– GO WHERE?
– THE HOSPITAL.
– SHE’S HAVING THE BABY?
– TELL HER I SAID GOOD LUCK.
– WHAT, YOU’RE NOT GONNA
GO BE WITH HER?
– HELL, NO.
I GOT WORK.
– IT’S NOT THE BABY’S FAULT
YOU GUYS ARE A SHIT SHOW.
– YEAH, AND IT’S NOT MY FAULT
THE BITCH GOT KNOCKED UP.
WHO THE FUCK KNOWS IF
IT’S EVEN MINE?
– YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE.
– CONGRATS.
– FULL HOUSE,
LIKE OLD TIMES.
SMELLS GOOD.
LEFTOVERS?
– YOU DESTROYED MY ART PROJECT.
IT’S COMPLETELY RUINED.
YOU’RE SUCH A BITCH!
– WHOA, DEBBIE!
– SHE WENT INTO MY ROOM,
SHE TRASHED ALL OF MY STUFF,
AND SHE KICKED ALL OF MY CLOTHES
UNDER THE BED.
– I ASKED YOU TO CLEAN UP.
– DID YOU?
– SHE WENT THROUGH MINE TOO.
SHE THREW AWAY MY PORN,
MY NUNCHUCKS, AND MY TASER.
YOU KNOW HOW MANY
POLICE DUMPSTERS
I HAD TO GO THROUGH
TO FIND THAT?
– I TOLD YOU TO GET RID
OF THAT STUFF.
– I HID IT SO THE STUPID P.O.
WOULDN’T FIND IT.
– WELL, LUCKILY, YOUR STUPID
SISTER FOUND IT FIRST.
GOD, MAYBE NEXT TIME YOU’LL DO
WHAT I ASK, BOTH OF YOU.
THERE’S MACARONI SALAD
SANDWICHES FOR LUNCH.
EXTRA MAYO.
– DON’T NEED IT.
I’M SUSPENDED.
– WELL, YOU STILL NEED TO EAT.
– LOOK, WE’RE GONNA
GET OUT OF HERE, OKAY?
WE’LL BE BACK FOR DINNER
TONIGHT.
– WELL, LIP,
YOU CAN LEAVE LIAM HERE.
– I GOT HIM.
– NO, I–LIP.
– LOOK, FIONA,
JUST GET SOME SLEEP, OKAY?
HANG OUT WITH V.
RELAX, FOR FUCK’S SAKE.
YOU GUYS TEXT ME
IF ANYTHING’S GOING ON.
OKAY? ALL RIGHT.
– YEAH, SURE.
COME ON, CARL. LET’S GO.
– WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
– TO SHEILA’S.
– WHY?
– TO SEE IF FRANK CAN TAKE ME
TO SCHOOL TOMORROW MORNING.
– WELL, WHEN WILL YOU BE BACK?
LATER.
GET OFF MY ASS.
– BYE, IAN.
– BYE, DEBS.
– HEY.
WANT SOME MORE?
– YOU GOT ANY CASH
YOU COULD TOSS MY WAY?
– I’M WORKING A DOUBLE TONIGHT.
YOU WANT TO STOP BY?
– YEAH, SURE.
GOT NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN
WATCH A BUNCH OF PRUNEY QUEENS
SLAP THEIR SACKS
AGAINST YOUR ASS CHEEKS.
– SHIT!
HEY! GUYS!
[bracelet beeping]
– HI, UM,
SHEILA LEFT ME A KEY.
– I’M SO GLAD YOU CAME.
WELCOME.
– SUPPOSED TO WATER THE PLANTS.
WHY IS THERE A “FOR SALE” SIGN
OUT FRONT?
– DAD, DEBBIE AND CARL ARE HERE.
– CAN YOU COME WITH ME
TO SCHOOL TOMORROW MORNING?
– HAVE TO CANCEL MY MORNING
SPIN CLASS.
WHAT’S UP?
– I GOT SUSPENDED
FOR BULLYING.
NEED A PARENT TO COME WITH ME
TO APOLOGIZE.
– APO–[sighs]
OUTRAGEOUS.
FEED ME NUMBING AGENTS
AND DRAG ME TO THE RING.
– YOU ARE IN NO SHAPE
TO GO ANYWHERE.
– HE NEEDS TO
OR ELSE I’LL GET EXPELLED.
– I’M SO SORRY, CARL,
BUT HE’S TOO WEAK.
– [mouthing words]
– COULD I BORROW
A LONG SWEATER?
– OF COURSE, HONEY.
HERE.
– THANKS.
– DO YOU NEED ANYTHING ELSE?
– UM…
– OH, OKAY.
HEY, CARL,
IF YOU GRAB THOSE BALLOONS
AND TIE THEM
TO THE SIGN OUT FRONT,
I’LL LET YOU HOLD MY GUN.
– I GOT MY PERIOD,
BUT ALL FIONA HAS ARE TAMPONS
AND I’M SAVING MY VIRGINITY
UNTIL I BECOME A WOMAN.
– OKAY, FIRST OF ALL,
YOU CAN’T LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY
TO A TAMPON.
IT HAS TO BE A PENIS
WITH A MAN ATTACHED.
AND SECOND,
YOU’RE ALREADY A WOMAN.
OFFICIALLY.
FROM THE MOMENT AUNT FLO
CAME KNOCKING AT YOUR VAGINA.
– THEN WHY WON’T MY BOYFRIEND
HAVE SEX WITH ME
UNTIL I’M 16?
– WOW.
THEY STILL MAKE THEM
LIKE THAT?
YOU GOT A GOOD ONE.
TAMPONS ARE VARSITY LEVEL,
AND YOU ARE STILL J.V.
HERE, TRY THESE.
– THANKS.
COULD I STAY HERE TONIGHT?
– I LOVE A SLEEPOVER.
ABSOLUTELY.
[ukulele music]
♪ ♪
[bracelet beeping]
– [sighs]
HEY, WHAT’S UP?
– UH, LISTEN, I’M TRYING
TO TAKE THE TRASH OUT.
CAN YOU COME HELP?
– SURE.
YOU NEED ANYTHING ELSE?
– HOW ABOUT A GALLON OF VODKA?
– ALL RIGHT, I’LL BE THERE
IN 20 MINUTES.
– THANKS.
– SO WE HAVE LEGOS,
MR. POTATO HEAD,
DINOSAURS, CARS.
MAKE SURE HE EATS
AT LEAST HALF HIS PB&J
BEFORE YOU GIVE HIM
HIS CHEETOS,
AND HE HASN’T POOPED TODAY,
BUT HE’LL USUALLY GRAB HIS BUTT
AND YELL “DOODY BOMB!”
SO YOU’LL HAVE FAIR WARNING.
WHAT ELSE–
OH.
KEEP AN EYE ON HIS CRAYONS.
HE LIKES TO JAM THEM
UP HIS NOSE.
– OKAY, GOT IT.
THIS KID, TOTAL DREAMBOAT.
THE MEN IN MY LIFE
SHOULD BE HALF AS CHARMING.
– OKAY, THEN WE GOT BAND-AIDS,
BUTT WIPES–
OH, STUFFED MONKEY,
OF COURSE.
TWO BOUNCY BALLS,
TWO PUZZLES, VERY HUNGRY HIPPOS,
AND THEN WE’VE GOT A THERMOMETER
AND THEN CHILDREN’S TYLENOL,
YOU KNOW, JUST IN CASE
HE GETS A FEVER.
– OKAY, HOW LONG
ARE YOU GONNA BE GONE FOR?
– OH, THREE HOURS, BUT,
YOU KNOW,
YOU CAN’T BE TOO CAREFUL.
– YOU’RE A REALLY GOOD PERSON.
– NO, IF I WERE
A REALLY GOOD PERSON,
THEN I WOULD QUIT SCHOOL
AND I’D STAY HOME FULL TIME.
– WELL, WHO DOES THAT HELP?
– RIGHT. UM…
OKAY, SO I’LL BE BACK
AT 2:00.
IS THAT STILL COOL?
– DON’T FORGET ABOUT
THE ABC PARTY
TONIGHT AT THE DORM.
– WHAT’S THAT?
– OH, YOU KNOW.
“ANYTHING BUT CLOTHES.”
DUCT TAPE, CAUTION TAPE,
TRASH BAGS, BEDSHEETS.
– OKAY, WELL, I GOT A LIT PAPER
DUE TOMORROW,
BUT THAT SOUNDS FUN.
HERE YOU GO.
AND THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR DOING ALL THIS.
YOU KNOW, I WISH I COULD
THINK OF A WAY TO REPAY YOU.
– I’M SURE YOU’LL THINK
OF SOMETHING.
[light rock music]
♪ ♪
– HEY. HI.
– HEY.
– SO, UH, I GOT A LAB
AT HALF-PAST,
SO I ONLY GOT,
LIKE, 20 MINUTES.
– THAT’S OKAY.
I’M QUICK.
– RIGHT, AND ALSO
I’M KIND OF GOING THROUGH
SOME SHIT,
SO I’M NOT REALLY LOOKING
FOR ANYTHING TOO, UH–
– DUDE, I’M COLD, I’M HORNY,
LET’S DO THIS.
– OKAY. UH,
SO YOUR LAUNDRY ROOM OR MINE?
– UP AND DOWN,
COME ON!
LET’S BURN THE FAT.
SLIDE THAT BOOTY!
– WITH FIGURE EIGHT FITNESS,
I LOST A TOTAL 21 POUNDS.
– I’VE LOST 7 1/2 INCHES
AROUND MY WAIST
AND 53 POUNDS.
– I’VE LOST 15–
[frenetic rock music]
♪ ♪
[knock at door]
[knocking continues]
– THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?
– I BROUGHT YOU A LITTLE GIFT.
CRONUTS. I STOOD ONLINE
40 MINUTES FOR THOSE.
ONLY LET ME HAVE TWO.
– WHAT DO YOU WANT?
– A TRENDY HYBRID PASTRY
FOR STARTS.
YO.
MIKE TOLD ME.
THE COKE, THE KID, JAIL.
I CAN’T IMAGINE
WHAT YOU’RE GOING THROUGH.
– I’M STUCK IN
THIS FUCKING HOUSE.
I JUST ORGANIZED CARL’S T-SHIRTS
IN COLOR ORDER.
I’M GOING MENTAL.
CAN’T EVEN MAKE IT
TO THE SIDEWALK
WITHOUT BELLS GOING OFF.
– I, UH–
SO SHOULD I BE EXPECTING
A KNOCK ON MY DOOR?
– WHAT FOR?
– IT WAS MY COKE.
– HEH.
THAT’S WHY YOU’RE HERE,
TO SEE IF I RATTED YOU OUT
TO THE POLICE.
– AND TO CHECK ON YOU–
– FUCK YOU.
– YES OR NO–
– NO, ASSHOLE.
I SHOULD HAVE.
THEY WOULD HAVE LET ME OFF
EASIER.
– WELL, YEAH, WHY DIDN’T YOU?
– ‘CAUSE I HATE MYSELF
FOR A NUMBER OF REASONS
RIGHT NOW
AND I’M NOT GOING TO ADD
BEING A SNITCH TO THE LIST.
– [exhales]
OKAY.
– YOU RUINED MY LIFE,
YOU KNOW THAT?
DROPPING THAT LITTLE BOMB
ON MIKE
IN FRONT OF YOUR FAMILY.
– I DID YOU A FAVOR, OKAY?
THE CUP JOB SUCKS
AND MY BROTHER’S A BORING
YUPPIE ASSHOLE, ALL RIGHT?
– HEY, GIRL.
SORRY I TOOK SO LONG.
GOT HELD UP IN THE BATHROOM
BY THE TWO GIRLS IN MY GUT
SITTING ON MY BLADDER
BLOCKING MY FUNCTIONS.
DAMN, YOU LOOK LIKE HELL.
– YEAH, I’M NOT SLEEPING.
– GOOD THING I BROUGHT OVER
SOME SNOOZE JUICE.
– UH-HUH.
– ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
– WE’RE ACCEPTING
CASH-ONLY OFFERS
TO EXPEDITE THE SALE,
WHICH IS WHY THE PRICE
IS SO LOW.
OUR LAWYERS WILL HOLD THE MONEY
IN ESCROW.
WE NEED TO UNLOAD IT FAST.
PAYING TWO MORTGAGES
IS KILLING US,
PLUS DAD NEEDS TO GET
TO A WARMER CLIMATE ASAP.
I MEAN, LOOK AT HIM.
– EASY, GRANDPA.
– WE’RE LOOKING TO DO
A RENOVATION,
A FOUR-MONTH TURNAROUND.
WE’LL PURCHASE UNDER ASK.
ALL CASH.
– DUKE IT OUT WITH THE HASIDS.
PUT AN OFFER DOWN
ABOUT 10 MINUTES AGO.
SKINNY DUDES.
YOU COULD PROBABLY TAKE THEM.
– THIS COUCH IS FOR SALE
AND THAT TABLE AND THE TV.
– HOW MUCH FOR THIS CHAIR?
– HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO PAY?
– WELL, HOW ABOUT–
– CASH ONLY.
PLEASE.
DAD, IT’S WORKING.
THEY’RE FALLING FOR IT.
ISN’T THIS FUN?
– YEAH.
– YOU OKAY?
– YEAH.
I’M CONSERVING MY ENERGY
FOR CARL’S THING TOMORROW.
– EVERY GUN’S LOADED, OKAY?
SO HERE WE GOT YOUR BUSHMASTER
XM-15 SEMIAUTOMATIC.
PREMIUM 16-INCH CHROME-LINED
PROFILE BARREL.
– [chuckles]
SWEET.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT
HOME PROTECTION?
I GOT THREE LITTLE ONES
ON THE WAY.
– SAFEGUARDING
THE OLD HOMESTEAD, HUH?
– HEY, SECOND AMENDMENT,
BROTHER.
GOT TO PROTECT MY FREEDOM
ONE BULLET AT A TIME.
– OKAY, SO…
MILKOR M32 MGL-140
GRENADE LAUNCHER.
PROTECTS A SHITLOAD
OF FREEDOMS.
SIX-ROUND CYLINDER,
DOUBLE-ACTION,
MILITARY GRADE WEAPON.
MISSING A FEW PARTS, BUT…
[chuckling]
IT STILL SHOOTS.
– IT’S HEAVY.
WHAT ARE WE TALKING HERE?
HOW MUCH?
– WELL, AROUND 5 GRAND.
– $5,000?
– YEAH.
– AW, COME ON, MAN.
[cell phone notification dings]
HOW MUCH FOR THE BAT?
HOLY SHIT.
I GOT TO GO.
HOLY SHIT.
– THAT’S IT?
– CONCIERGE.
MEDICAL CODER.
TRANSCRIPTIONIST?
I DON’T EVEN KNOW
WHAT HALF THIS SHIT IS.
– OTHER THAN SUPREMELY BORING?
– [sighs]
NO ONE NEEDS ME ANYMORE, V.
DEBBIE’S DATING.
LIP’S IN COLLEGE.
CARL’S IN TROUBLE AT SCHOOL
AND I CAN’T HELP HIM.
WHO KNOWS WHAT’S UP WITH IAN?
– THEY’RE ALL GROWING UP.
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
TIME FOR YOU TO FIGURE OUT
YOUR OWN NEEDS.
– TECH SUPPORT PROVIDER.
[scoffs]
UNDERQUALIFIED.
TRANSLATOR.
UNDERQUALIFIED.
THERE’S PORN.
– OVERQUALIFIED.
[both chuckle]
– HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
– FINDING WAYS TO MAKE MONEY
FROM HOME.
– HUH.
HEY, IS SOMETHING BURNING?
SMELL THAT?
– OH, SHIT.
OH, SHIT!
– SHIT!
– [laughing]
OH, MY GOD.
OH, SHIT.
[smoke alarm beeping]
FIRE IN THE HOLE.
– NOT MY HOLE.
[both laughing]
– YOU JUST LET IT BURN?
– WE GOT DISTRACTED.
OH, GOD.
UGH.
– YOU’RE SHITFACED.
– SINCE WHEN IS IT A FELONY
FOR A GALLAGHER TO DRINK?
– CALM DOWN. IT’S MY FAULT.
I BROUGHT THE VODKA.
– OH, AND POURED IT
DOWN HER THROAT?
– YOU’RE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME
TO RELAX.
SOMEBODY SHUT THAT THING UP!
[smoke alarm continues beeping]
– FUCK.
BURN THE HOUSE DOWN, OKAY?
BURN THE FOOD TOO, YOU KNOW,
I CAN ALWAYS STEAL SOME MORE
FROM MY SHITTY WORK-STUDY JOB,
RIGHT?
– I’M GOING THROUGH SOMETHING
HERE.
– YEAH, IT LOOKS LIKE
YOU WENT THROUGH
ABOUT FIVE BEVERAGES
IN AN HOUR, FIONA.
HAVE ANOTHER ONE.
WHY NOT?
YOU’RE YOUR OWN WOMAN.
RIGHT?
NO, BANG THE BOSS’S BROTHER.
LEAVE COKE OUT ON THE TABLE
FOR THE KIDS.
GET ARRESTED.
DO WHATEVER THE FUCK
YOU NEED TO DO.
I’VE GOT THIS.
HEY, CARL,
GO UPSTAIRS,
GET YOUR TOOTHBRUSH
AND SOMETHING TO SLEEP IN.
– HE HAS THE SUSPENSION MEETING
TOMORROW.
– OH, NO WORRIES.
NO WORRIES.
I’LL GET HIM TO SHEILA’S
IN TIME.
STAY UP ALL NIGHT STUDYING.
I MEAN, WHAT THE FUCK?
IT’S JUST AN APPLIED PHYSICS
QUIZ.
WHERE’S DEBBIE?
– SHE’S AT SHEILA’S
WITH SAMMI.
– VERONICA!
– YEAH?
– YOU’RE NOT ANSWERING
YOUR PHONE?
– I DIDN’T HEAR IT.
WHAT’S UP?
– CAROL.
SHE’S IN LABOR.
– WHAT?
OH, SHIT.
WISH US LUCK.
– THERE’S SOMETHING BURNING.
– LET’S GO. COME ON.
– NO.
HEY, COME ON.
LIP, PLEASE.
YOU DON’T HAVE TO TAKE THEM.
– YOU’RE RIGHT. I DON’T.
– COME ON. WHAT ABOUT DINNER?
– ENJOY.
[smoke alarm continues beeping]
– [sighs]
SHUT UP!
[screams]
[ZZ Ward’s Move Like U
Stole It]

♪ ♪
– ♪ I WANT YOU IN MY BED
IN A MINUTE FLAT ♪
♪ LET’S HIT THE BACKSEAT
OF YOUR CHERRY CADILLAC ♪
– THOSE FINGERS GO ANYWHERE
NEAR THAT COCK,
I’M GONNA BREAK EVERY KNUCKLE
IN YOUR HAND,
ALL 15 OF THEM.
– SETTLE DOWN, RUMBLE FISH.
ANYWAY, A HAND ONLY HAS
14 KNUCKLES.
– YOU WANT TO FUCKING DIE?
– ♪ DOWN TO THE FIFTH ♪
♪ AND HIT THAT GAS PEDAL
WITH A HELL OF A KICK ♪
– WE GOT INVITED
TO AN AFTER-HOURS
AT THE LOFT OF
ONE OF MY REGULARS.
IT’S FUN.
WHAT’S WRONG WITH FUN?
– NOTHING UNLESS IT INVOLVES
SOME FAT FAGGOT
SHOVING HIS HANDS DOWN–
THE FUCK?
– ♪ SO LET’S NOT THINK
AND JUST ♪
♪ MOVE LIKE YOU STOLE IT ♪
♪ MOVE
LIKE YOU STOLE IT ♪
♪ MAKE YOUR MOVE ON ME ♪
♪ ♪
♪ MAKE YOUR MOVE ON ME ♪
– I MEAN, I THINK ABOUT HIM
ALL THE TIME.
– MM.
– WHENEVER MY BRAIN PAUSES,
HE JUST SHOWS UP,
EVEN WHEN I DON’T WANT HIM TO.
– WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT?
– LIKE, HIS HAIR, HIS EYES,
SOMETIMES JUST HIS NAME.
IS THAT NORMAL?
– ABSOLUTELY.
– BECAUSE MY TWO FRIENDS,
HOLLY AND ELLIE?
– UH-HUH?
– THEY’RE ALWAYS LIKE,
“BOYS ARE STUPID,”
AND THEY ACT LIKE
THEY HATE THEM.
BUT I NEVER FEEL THAT WAY.
– HOW DO YOU FEEL?
– UM, THIS IS WEIRD.
LIKE I WANT TO PROTECT HIM.
IS THAT WEIRD?
– NO, HONEY.
– I ALSO FEEL SICK AND DIZZY.
– MM, THAT’S HOW EVERYONE GETS
WHEN THEY’RE FALLING IN LOVE.
– BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS
SUPPOSED TO FEEL GOOD.
– IT DOES SOMETIMES.
THE GOOD PARTS ARE SO GOOD,
YOU’RE WILLING TO SUFFER
AN UNBELIEVABLE AMOUNT
OF PAIN JUST TO GET TO THEM.
THAT’S WHY I HAVE BEEN MARRIED
THREE TIMES
AND ENGAGED 12.
– BUT WHEN DO THE GOOD PARTS
START?
– WELL, RIGHT NOW IT’S HARD.
HE CHANGED THE RULES
A LITTLE BIT BY DUMPING YOU.
BEST THING TO DO?
ACT LIKE YOU DON’T GIVE A SHIT.
– HOW DO I DO THAT?
– WELL, HANG OUT WITH HIM.
MAKE YOURSELF PRETTY.
GIVE HIM THE OPPORTUNITY
TO CONSIDER WHAT HE GAVE UP.
THAT’S HOW A WOMAN
HANDLES THINGS.
– AND THEN HE’LL WANT ME BACK?
– HAVE TO BE PATIENT.
THIS IS A LONG CON, BABY.
YOU’RE IN IT TO WIN IT.
STAY THE COURSE.
– GOT IT.
THANKS FOR TALKING TO ME.
I CAN’T TALK TO FIONA
ABOUT ANY OF THIS STUFF.
SHE’S A TOTAL SPAZ RIGHT NOW.
BUT ALSO, I THINK
SHE’S AFRAID OF ENDING UP ALONE.
– THAT’S HER SHIT, NOT YOURS.
– ALL DONE.
NEED HELP WIPIN’ AND WALKIN’.
– COMING, DAD.
BE RIGHT BACK.
P.S., I LOVE HAVING A SISTER.
– [chuckles]
ME TOO.
[rock music]
[students cheering]
– ♪ GET LOST IN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ WE CAN LEAVE THE LIGHTS ON,
GIRL ♪
♪ SO I’LL CONTINUE TO GET HIGH ♪
♪ NO TIME FOR SECOND GUESSING ♪
– HEY, KIDDO,
YOU DOING OKAY?
– YEAH,
IS COLLEGE ALWAYS LIKE THIS?
– ASK RON.
– WELL, I DON’T PARTY THAT MUCH,
AND I TRY NOT TO PLAY
MORE THAN EIGHT HOURS
OF MINECRAFT A DAY.
– AND THEN YOU START DOING
BETTER IN SCHOOL?
ALL THIS COULD BE YOURS.
– COLLEGE RULES.
♪ ♪
– [chuckles]
CHECK OUT THESE DIGS.
LOOK AT THAT VIEW.
– WHAT DOES THIS JOKER DO?
– HE’S AN ENGINEER
AND PART-TIME PHOTOGRAPHER.
I THINK HE TOOK
SOME OF THESE PICTURES ACTUALLY.
– OH, YEAH?
WHY’D HE WANT YOU
TO COME HERE THEN, HUH?
– OH, COME ON, NOT EVERYBODY
WANTS SOMETHING
FROM ME, MICK.
– IAN.
– HEY!
– SO HAPPY YOU COULD MAKE IT.
– RYAN.
OH, GOOD TO BE HERE.
– MMM.
– HEY, THIS IS MICKEY.
– DELIGHTED TO MEET YOU.
UH, COULD I GET
EITHER OF YOU A COCKTAIL?
– YEAH, YOU GOT BEER?
– I’VE GOT SOME CRAFT BREWS,
A STOUT,
IPA, WINTER WHEAT.
– HOW ABOUT BEER?
– [chuckles] RIGHT.
COULD I BE ANY MORE
OF A FAG?
ONE BEER COMING UP.
IAN?
– LET’S SEE WHAT YOU GOT.
– YOU’RE NEW.
HI.
– HEY.
– YOU HERE WITH IAN?
– YEAH.
– HE’S GREAT.
– SO WHAT DO YOU DO
FOR LIVING?
– I RUN A BUSINESS.
– WHAT KIND OF BUSINESS?
– HOSPITALITY.
– OH, NICE.
WHAT REALM?
– I’M A PIMP.
– [laughs softly]
WAIT, YOU’RE SERIOUS?
THAT’S INCREDIBLE.
MY DISSERTATION
IS ON TRANSGENDER SEX WORK
AND SYMBOLIC INTERACTIONISM
WITHIN THE FRAMEWORK
OF HUSTLER-CLIENT RELATIONS.
YOU GOT A CARD?
[soft acoustic guitar music]
♪ ♪
– ♪ AND I KNOW THE WORLD
KEEPS SPINNING ♪
– NIGHT, DEBS.
– ♪ AND I KNOW
I’M OUT OF TIME ♪
– NIGHT, FRANK.
MONICA.
– ♪ I KNOW THE WORLD
KEEPS SPINNING ♪
♪ BUT I’LL TAKE ♪
– GOOD NIGHT, FIONA.
– ♪ MY TIME ♪
♪ WITH YOU ♪
– GOOD NIGHT, LIP.
NIGHT, CARL AND IAN.
– ♪ AND I KNOW THE WORLD
KEEPS SPINNING ♪
♪ I KNOW I’M OUT OF TIME ♪
– [sniffs]
– ♪ AND I KNOW THE WORLD
KEEPS SPINNING ♪
– GOOD NIGHT, LIAM.
[sobbing]
– ♪ BUT I’LL TAKE MY TIME ♪
♪ WITH YOU ♪
♪ ♪
[The F String’s
Nothing At All]

♪ ♪
– WHOA.
– IT’S TIME.
– OH, SHIT.
TIME TO BE A DADDY.
WAIT, WHAT, WE MISSED IT?
– WHY DIDN’T ANYONE WAKE US?
– I TOLD HER NOT TO.
I NEEDED TO DO THIS
ON MY OWN.
[coos at baby]
– OH, HEY.
HEY.
WHOA.
HE–HE’S–HE’S NOTHING.
HE’S JUST SOFTNESS AND GOO.
HEY, BUDDY.
I’M YOUR DADDY.
AND YOUR BROTHER-IN-LAW.
HOW WEIRD IS THAT?
– YOU KNOW, HE DID THAT
LITTLE THING THAT BABIES DO
WHERE THEY CAN SMELL
THEIR MOMMY’S MILK,
AND HE COULD HEAR MY VOICE
WHEN I WAS TALKING TO HIM.
AND THEN HE LAID UP
ON MY CHEST
AND HE FOUND MY NIPPLE
AND HE TOOK A LITTLE SNACK.
– YOU OKAY, MAMA?
– YOU KNOW, IT’S JUST
A LITTLE EMOTIONAL,
THAT’S ALL.
– DID I TAKE HIM TOO SOON?
HERE YOU GO.
HERE’S GRANDMA.
– OH.
[crying]
OH, HE’S SUCH–
HE’S SUCH A LITTLE ANGEL.
HE’S AN ANGEL
THAT YOU DIDN’T WANT.
– THAT WAS HYPOTHETICAL.
– BUT HE CAME FROM ME.
HE’S PART OF ME.
– JESUS, MAMA.
– [sniffles]
I’M SORRY.
I JUST–
I JUST DIDN’T KNOW
I WAS GONNA FEEL THIS WAY.
[sniffs]
BUT HE’S JUST–
HE’S JUST SO BEAUTIFUL.
– IT’S OKAY, MAMA.
YOU CAN VISIT HIM
ANY TIME YOU WANT TO.
– HE’S A LITTLE ANGEL.
– KEV.
KEVIN.
– HE’S MY LITTLE ANGEL.
– KEV, SHE WANTS TO KEEP HIM.
– SHE CAN’T.
– SHE’S NOT GONNA LET GO
OF THAT BABY.
– WELL, SHE HAS TO.
AFTER EVERYTHING
I’VE BEEN THROUGH WITH HIM,
HE’S MINE, V.
– KEV, THREE BABIES?
– I DON’T CARE.
THAT BOY IS MY SON.
– LOOK AT ME.
HEY.
LOOK AT ME.
THERE CAN BE TWO.
OUR TWO BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRLS.
SHE’S A GOOD MOM.
SHE’LL BE GREAT.
LOOK HOW WELL I TURNED OUT.
– YEAH, WELL,
THE JURY’S STILL OUT ON THAT.
I DON’T WANT TO LOSE HIM, V.
– HE’LL STILL BE RIGHT THERE
WITH MOM.
HE’LL STILL BE YOUR SON.
YOUR BOY.
HER RESPONSIBILITY.
LET HIM GO, BABY.
– [crying]
[phone vibrating]
– YEAH?
– I KNOW YOU DON’T TRUST ME.
I KNOW YOU WANT
TO PUNISH ME,
AND I GET IT.
I WANT TO PUNISH MYSELF.
I HAVE NO WAY TO PROVE MYSELF
TO YOU OR ANYONE.
BUT, CHRIST, LIP, THIS, LIKE,
RELENTLESS PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE
BULLSHIT,
IT’S KILLING ME.
I NEED MY FAMILY BACK, OKAY?
PLEASE?
[jazz music playing softly]
♪ ♪
– WHOA! WHOA.
EASY, KILLER.
I’M TAKING BREAKFAST ORDERS.
SCRAMBLED EGGS, PANCAKES,
OR FRENCH TOAST?
– [exhales]
EGGS.
– AND WHAT DO YOU THINK
HE’LL WANT?
– HOW THE FUCK
SHOULD I KNOW, MAN?
I’M NOT HIS KEEPER.
– RIGHT.
DIDN’T MEAN TO ASSUME.
SO…DID YOU GUYS
JUST MEET LAST NIGHT,
OR ARE YOU TOGETHER?
– TOGETHER.
– COOL.
YOU’RE A LUCKY DUDE.
– THERE YOU GO.
FRESH AS A DAISY.
YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.
NOW LET’S GO
KNOCK ‘EM DEAD.
GOOD MORNING.
– FRANKLY, MR. GALLAGHER,
YOUR SON’S BEHAVIOR
HAS BEEN AMONG
THE MOST EGREGIOUS
I’VE SEEN AT THIS SCHOOL,
AND I’VE BEEN HERE
A LONG TIME.
– DON’T LOOK A DAY OVER 90.
– [snorts]
– HE TERRORIZES THESE STUDENTS
TO THE POINT THAT THEY MOVE
THROUGH MY HALLS IN FEAR.
SCHOOL SHOULD NOT BE
A PALACE OF TERROR.
IT SHOULD BE
A TEMPLE OF LEARNING.
IF CHILDREN DO NOT FEEL SAFE,
HOW CAN THEY LEARN?
– THEY CAN’T.
– SHE’S ASKING ME, CHIPWICH.
– THE ONLY WAY
TO GET THROUGH TO CARL
IS HAVE HIM FACE
THE TRUTH OF WHAT HE’S DONE
AND LET HIM ABSORB IT
IN A MEANINGFUL WAY.
– DO THAT, OKAY?
– HE CAN’T JUST DO IT.
HE NEEDS TO ACTIVELY ENGAGE.
– GOT ANY SUGGESTIONS?
– YEAH.
HE SHOULD APOLOGIZE TO MY KID
AND EVERY OTHER KID HERE.
INDIVIDUALLY.
LIKE HE MEANS IT.
– OH, SPARE US THE WIENER ACT.
BULLYING IS A VITAL PART
OF EVERY ECOSYSTEM.
IT TEACHES KIDS RESILIENCE.
THE WORLD IS A ROUGH PLACE.
BULLYING IS LIKE
GETTING INOCULATED.
IT’S A VACCINE.
AND YOU LITTLE SHIT,
YOU GOT TO LEARN
TO STAY AWAY FROM PEOPLE
LIKE MY SON.
THAT’S WHAT YOU LEARN
WHEN YOU GET
PUNCHED IN THE FACE BY A BULLY.
HOW DO YOU THINK STEVE JOBS
TURNED OUT SO GREAT?
BULLIES.
AND I GUARANTEE JUNIOR HERE
WILL BE GETTING
THE HOTTEST CHICKS WHEN HE’S 30
BECAUSE HE GOT BULLIED TODAY.
YOU WANT YOUR KID TO PEAK NOW?
MY KID WILL BE PICKING UP
ROADSIDE GARBAGE
IN AN ORANGE JUMPSUIT
IN TEN YEARS.
YOUR KID WILL BE IN MED SCHOOL
CURING CANCER AND GETTING LAID.
YOU’RE WELCOME.
– WHAT IF I WANT
TO CURE CANCER?
– BE LUCKY YOU DON’T GET
GONORRHEA
FROM YOUR CELL MATE.
SPOKEN WITH LOVE, SON.
HOME.
– I AM SO PROUD OF YOU, DAD.
[country rock music]
– HEY, HEY,
CONGRATULATIONS, BROTHER.
– WE LOST HIM.
– GOD, HOW?
STILLBIRTH?
– CAROL.
SHE KEPT HIM.
– HE’S NOT DEAD?
– NO.
JUST A LITTLE LESS OURS.
– SORRY TO HEAR THAT, MAN.
BUT, HEY, YOU STILL GOT
TWO ON THE WAY.
– I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE FOUR.
I KEEP LOSING BABIES.
I MEAN, WHAT IF THERE WAS
A RUSSIAN SATELLITE
THAT TOOK OUT ALL
THE COMMUNICATION IN THE WORLD?
POOF!
TWO MORE BABIES GONE.
OR IF THERE WAS A MUTANT VIRUS
THAT TURNED US ALL
INTO ZOMBIES–
– THAT’S A MOVIE.
– SEVERAL MOVIES.
– SO?
IT COULD HAPPEN.
SEE, BABIES CHANGE
YOUR PERSPECTIVE.
THERE’S DANGER
LURKING EVERYWHERE.
NOW, I’M GONNA START
COLLECTING SURVIVAL GEAR.
CANNED GOODS, MEDICAL STUFF,
WALKIE-TALKIES, FLASHLIGHTS.
MY MOTTO?
PREPARE AND PREVENT,
DON’T REPAIR AND REPENT.
– THAT’S MY MOTTO.
– YOU CAN’T OWN A MOTTO,
KERMIT.
[cartoon gunshots]
– GET HIM!
GET HIM.
– OH! HE DISAPPEARED.
WHAT THE HECK?
– HE’LL REGENERATE BEHIND YOU
IN TWO SECONDS.
TURN AROUND.
– OH! OH, NO!
OH, HE BIT ME IN THE BACK.
[groans]
JERKFACE.
– SO RUDE.
– AW, MAN.
YEAH.
[laughs]
– I’M GLAD WE COULD STAY
FRIENDS.
– YEAH.
YEAH, ME TOO.
DO YOU WANT TO GET A PIZZA?
OR…
– I WISH I COULD,
BUT I HAVE A DATE TONIGHT.
GOT TO GO HOME
AND GET CLEANED UP.
– OKAY. YEAH.
YEAH, SURE. NO PROBLEM.
– BUT IT WAS WAS FUN
HANGING OUT.
– YEAH.
– HIGH FIVE.
– [chuckles]
– SEE YOU.
– I’LL SEE YOU.
[The Dig’s You and I]
♪ ♪
– HI.
HI.
THANKS.
– NO PROBLEM.
– ♪ YOU AND I
SCRAPE THE PAVEMENT ♪
♪ WITH A STONE ♪
♪ ♪
– AND SO WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED?
– BULLYING IS BAD FOR SOCIETY.
IT HURTS PEOPLE
AND MAKES THEM FEEL BAD.
IT MUST BE STOPPED.
– VERY GOOD.
[Locksley’s Black Ajax]
– FORGOT MY LUNCH.
GIVE ME MONEY.
GIVE ME MONEY, CHIHUAHUA.
COME ON, GIVE ME MONEY.
– ♪ ROLLIN’ IN,
ROLLIN’ IN ♪
♪ YOU HEAR ME ROLLIN’ IN,
ROLLIN’ IN ♪
♪ YOU SEE ME ROLLIN’ IN,
ROLLIN’ IN ♪
♪ YOU FEEL ME ROLLIN’ IN,
ROLLIN’ IN ♪
♪ ROLLIN’ IN,
ROLLIN’ IN ♪
♪ ROLLIN’ IN, ROLLIN’ IN ♪
♪ ROLLIN’ IN,
ROLLIN’ IN ♪
♪ ROLLIN’ IN, ROLLIN’ IN ♪

48 Survival Gear Tester Where Can One Order Near Me


48 Facts About Survival Gear Tester Where Can One Order At Jan 21st

Survival Gear Tester Where Can One Order