What’s with all the bags?
That’s not important
What is important
is that
there is a 7.7 magnitude earthquake about to hit California
I read up all on Buzzfeed about it last night
and we need to be prepared
So I spent the last 5 hours shopping to get us ready
Okay, um, yeah that sounds crazy
What’d you get?
(Scoffs) What didn’t I get?
Here we go
First: a tool bag
We’ve got to construct things once they’re
demolished
Obviously we are going to be the foundations
of the new civilization, right?
Not sure I fully get it, but keep going
Canned food
Because what’s better than
chicken of the sea and
chicken of the land
condensed into metal containers
Smart
Smart
A bat to fight off zombies
What?
And don’t worry
I got one for you in case we get separated
(Clink bats)
Zombies? I thought it was just an earthquake
Next: feather duster
Because we’re going to need to tidy up after
the world explodes
Okay…
Phone charger
Because how else am I supposed to Snapchat the apocalypse?
I don’t think there’s going to be electricity
Ice scraper
We live in California
Yoga mat
Because when there’s an apocalypse you’re
going to need to find your zen
And I’m namaste-ing on this all day
Des, you don’t even do yoga now
Perfume
‘Cause you’re going to get smelly
I think that’ll be the least of our worries,
but okay
Pug pillow
‘Cause odds are it’s going to get tough out there
How long have you had that?
A real-life dog
‘Cause you can’t cuddle a zombie
(Whispers) Who’s dog is that?
Don’t worry about it
Des, this is-this feels extreme
Candles
‘Cause how else are you going to see at night?
A flashlight
A pizza float
Because there’s going to be a lot of water
and we’re going to have to float around
That’s good
I’m sure that’ll be safe
A dream catcher
You’re living your worst nightmare, you might as well fight some of them off
I just, I don’t understand you
Keurig cups
Because it’s not officially the apocalypse until we run out of coffee
One step ahead
You’re not going to have a Keurig!
“The Complete Works of William Shakespeare”
You must stay cultured
Name one Shakespeare play
Beer
For obvious reasons
Okay, you’re starting to make sense again
An American Classic:
Magic Mike
Matthew McConaughey does get to me sometimes
And last but not least: a bandana
Because in order to survive the apocalypse
you must look the part
Des, I see where you’re going with this, I
understand the fear
but I think you might’ve gone like a touch
too far
That’s enough of that!
Now, I’m going to go build us a fortress so
we can withstand the elements
Good day!
(Door shuts) If this is for real we are so
dead
(DES O.S.) We will live forever!
(Outro music)
18 Tactical Flashlight With Laser Where Can One Shop Near Me
Tactical Flashlight With Laser Where Can One Shop